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my.. I mean thy… will be done

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So I guess I would describe my current season of life as a season of waiting.

In my current situation, I have learned a lot about myself.  Waiting for things tends to do that.  See, when we wait for things, we often like to pass the time doing something to keep out minds busy about other things until the time comes to do whatever it is that we’re waiting to do.  Go ahead, next time you’re waiting on anything, see what you do.  I almost always pull out the phone.  That’s pretty much a go-to.  It’s safe, and strangely it has become completely socially acceptable to bury my head in my phone in the dentist’s waiting room, when I’m waiting on someone to meet me, or even at times when there is a lull in conversation.  I do not say this to condone my behavior, I am just making an observation as to something that I do that maybe you relate to.  ANYWAYS, the point is when we’re waiting, we like to keep our minds preoccupied with other things, as opposed to facing the strangeness and potentially awkward experience of waiting.  After all, what are we supposed to do?  Just sit and think?

Well by this point in what I would consider to be a prolonged period of waiting, I have pretty much exhausted all of my time-wasting options or gotten bored with them.  So now I sit here with questions.  Questions that I’m not sure I have a clear answer to.

For starters, when will this waiting end?

So you can better understand what I mean, let me explain.  I feel this calling to youth ministry, and I also feel a calling to do that as part of a church.  At this point, I want youth ministry to be my life’s work, and I need a church to support me in that; a church family to take me in and work with me to show the love of Jesus to teenagers both who are part of the church and those who are not yet part of the church.  I want to come alongside parents as they lead their children in faith.  So I’m waiting for a church to welcome this partnership.

So I am seeking these opportunities.  And I trust that God works in ways that I do not understand and cannot fathom, and I trust that it will work out for the best.  I’m also learning that the saying, “patience is a virtue” is true because virtues take practice, and patience certainly takes practice.  So I wait, and I have to believe that God’s time is better than mine.

Secondly, why has nothing already fallen into place?

The saying, “good things come to those who wait,” may be true, but it rarely appears to be truthful to those who are actually waiting.  To be comforted by this conventional wisdom, one must be hopeful about the result of their waiting.

I believe Abram was asking himself a similar question when God had proclaimed that he would be the father of a great nation, but all he had to show for it was an aging barren wife.  This question, if left unchecked, can cause us to do some rash things like how Abram slept with Hagar in order to conceive a son (Ishmael), perhaps to take his future and his family’s future into his own hands.  Maybe he thought this would in some way force God’s hand into sending his blessing through Ishmael’s line.  But God Almighty doesn’t always do what we think is best.  The Lord was planning something else, something that would go far beyond anything Abram could have imagined.  Through barren Sarai came a son, Isaac.  Through Isaac’s line, came Jesus of Nazareth, Savior of the World.

So maybe nothing’s fallen into place because though it was convenient, it wasn’t quite the plan.

And finally, when will thy will be my will?

For me, sometimes the hardest thing to pray is “thy will be done.”  Not because I don’t believe that God’s will is good and perfect, but because it’s not mine.  And I don’t feel like a necessarily terrible person for struggling with this because Jesus didn’t seem to have a particularly easy time praying this in the garden before his arrest.  Even Jesus, Son of God and member of the Holy Trinity had to surrender control to the will of the Father.  How much more so should I!?

To have God transform our will into His will, we must acknowledge that there is an Almighty God who created our world and that there is the Holy Spirit who is alive and active in our world.  We must also trust that God’s will is good for us.  And finally must pray that His will be done in our world and in our lives.  I think the latter of those is the more difficult for me most of the time.  I have to acknowledge that my life is not really “my” life, but rather that I am here on earth as an agent of the Kingdom of God.

We have to train every part of ourselves to surrender to God’s will.  We must pray that God will give us his eyes.  We must pray that God will indwell us with His Spirit.  And we must pray that God turn our thoughts towards him.

So yeah, strange times currently.  Life can get weird when you graduate from college.  I’ve learned that.  I want to leave you with a couple of prayers.  The first from Thomas Merton, and the second from Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.“

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The Mess

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This world is a mess.

News outlets, social media, and everything else is focused in on just how messy it is. For the last week, the story has shifted from the never-boring U.S. Presidential race, to issues of race, justice, and side choosing.  Many people are throwing stones (mostly figuratively) or shouting into the abyss of public opinion on these matters.  I have thought plenty about these matters over the last week, and I have had conversations with people on these happenings, but I do not write today to choose a side, or to persuade people of one thing or another.

What I have realized over the past week is that this world is a mess.  That couldn’t be more clear to me.  What has hit me even harder however is the realization that

I am a mess.  

Yes, I, Michael David Clinger, come before all who will read this today (so at least my mom…probably) and acknowledge that I am a screwed up human being.  I am sure there are people that know me who would read this and agree, but truthfully, I doubt those people read my blog.  Here I am, a 22-year-old former Sunday School all-star and Christian University Alum, and I want to be clear: My life has sin in it.  And yes, I do believe that I have been crucified with Christ, so I no longer live, but Christ lives in me, but the harsh reality of sin is that it does not discriminate.

Some of you might know this, but in Matthew 5-7 Jesus preaches this thing that we now call the Sermon on the Mount.  At the beginning of chapter 7, Jesus says this:

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

SO, in this story, I identify with the hypocrite.  That’s the guy walking around with the plank in his own eye.  There have been times in my life when I would have called for other people to stop being so dang hypocritical all the time, but looking back on that, I was doing the same thing.

See, I don’t want to deal with the plank or planks in my own eye.  It is a lot easier to point my finger at someone else and tell them to get their life together than it is for me to start the long journey of plank removal.  My plank is my plank; it is no one else’s.  It may be larger or smaller, shaped differently, and altering my view in different ways than others, so how could I throw stones at anyone else for having a different plank than I have?

Today it is easy to jump on the internet and rip off some wordy something-or-other about how certain people are wrong, but I must first confront my own wrongness.  In order to see clearly the terribleness of the world, I must first identify the terrible in my own heart.  It is in those moments when I come into the presence of the Almighty God who does no wrong.  I am amazed at the ways in which God’s righteousness mends the brokenness of life.  God takes our planks and makes bridges.  He uses the ways in which we struggle to bring good into a world lacking in goodness.

 

Within each of us lies the ability…

to love and to hate, to mend and to break, to bless and to curse, to live and to die.

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why you can’t win the sin game

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I know I’m not the only one, but I like to win.  In fact, competing can bring out the best and the worst in me.  Growing up, I competed in sports.  And though I was very rarely on a winning team, we did occasionally win a game.  What a feeling!  Walking away the victor from a tightly contested soccer, basketball, or football game was such a rush!  We had a few really close victories playing football in high school, and wow, I experienced adrenaline like never before, and I would always wake up super hoarse the next day (all that yelling from the sideline really takes it out of a person).  I also remember a few crushing losses.  Maybe more than I love winning, I hate losing.  I take losses horribly, so to prevent losing, I try really really hard.

And for the longest time, that is what I have tried to do with my faith.  Try really really hard.  With all of this trying however, I still lose.  Every single time, no matter how hard I try, sin always beats me.  And, of course, my motivation varies.  I have often been motivated by a call to ministry.  This motivation says that because I am a minister, I have to be good and do all of the right things.  This motivation says that because I am a minister, if I do mess up, which I better not, that no one can know.  If anyone found out, they might knock me right off that pedestal they have placed me on.

Another motivation I have often felt is the motivation to meet expectations.  A natural born people pleaser, I have always wanted to fit the mold that people have set for me, and many times in my life that has been the mold of model Christian.  My parents expected me to behave and act right, so I did, mostly.  My church expected me to be a role model for younger kids, so I was, mostly.  And my friends expected me to be a good, quality guy, so I was, mostly.

Mostly.  Throughout every stage of my life, I have done the right thing, been a good guy, stayed on the right path, mostly.  But in a game against sin, mostly still loses.  No matter how hard I’ve tried throughout my life, there’s always been missteps, fumbles, and straight up disobediences.  But why? certainly not for lack of trying.  I have always wanted to do the right thing, but at the end of the day, I have always fallen short of the finish line, losing to sin once again.

So what do we do with that?

We will never win the game against sin until we pledge allegiance to the One who already has.  Luckily for us, we’ve already been invited to join the winners, and they’re having a party!

There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

Romans 8:1-4 ESV

In his death, burial, and resurrection, JESUS CHRIST HAS ALREADY WON!

The battle is over, for God has done what the law couldn’t do (v.3), HE HAS BEATEN SIN!

The Enemy has lost the battle, and now sin is seeking to take whoever it can with it.

So, while alone, we will always lose, all we have to do is surrender to the Kingdom of God which has already won.  So let us be active participants in the Kingdom through the Spirit! For what was wrong has been made right, where there was death there is now life; the deaf hear, the blind see, and the lame walk!

 

-MC

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still part of the family

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My name is Michael Clinger.  I’m 21 years old.  And I love the church.

Statistically speaking, I shouldn’t feel this way.  By now I should have grown out of it.  I should like Jesus, but not the church.  Because the church is old and irrelevant, right?  Because Jesus was good, and Christians are hypocrites.  Because there’s just nothing for me at church anymore.  Because church is boring, and it doesn’t change anything.  Because Christians are bigots and aren’t at all like Jesus.  Because the church is filled with fake people sitting in multi-million dollar buildings who go there to be seen.  Because Christians put their metaphorical noses where they don’t belong.  Because Christians tell the world what is wrong with it while completely ignoring their own issues.  Because by now, I’ve realized that there is no difference between Christians and other people, with the exception of a Sunday morning obligation that is.

By now, I should be pretty far removed from the church, but I’m not.

I love the church.  

Growing up, I didn’t have a choice whether or not I would go to church.  I was there three times a week if not more because my parents were bigger than me, smarter than me, and were in charge.  Oh, I didn’t want to go to church?  That’s too bad because I was going.  I soon learned that I could do this the easy way or the hard way, but both had the same result.  The result being me, at church, with my parents.  Once while on a three-week family vacation in the summer of 2003, my parents did some research on local churches and found the church of Christ in town… we were in South Dakota… on a road-trip vacation… and we had to go to church.  Why? Because it was Sunday, and my parents saw the value of being with the Church on the first day of the week.  So what did me and my brothers do?  We sat through it.  I remember wondering how long we’d have to hang around afterwards as people continued to talk to my parents.  Often we would be near the last, if not THE last, to leave the church building on Sundays (and Wednesdays…).  Why?  Because my parents were about their Father’s business.  Because they saw value in the people who make up the Church.  And what did my two brothers and I do while they talked?  Did we have someone stay with us?  Did we have games to play with each other?  No.  We could stand there begging our parents to please let us leave, or we could find other ways to entertain ourselves.  I know the layout of that church building like the back of my hand, and it’s because we would goof off and run around.  I remember being often scolded by my parents for running in the church building.  “You’re going to run into an old lady and knock her over,” was a very common critique by my parents.  Shouldn’t my parents have been terrified that I could get taken or lost?  Maybe, but the thing about growing up in church is that many an adult would have felt comfortable grabbing me and returning me to my parents. It takes a village to raise a child?  That village was my church.  That church was my family.  That church IS my family.

And as I’ve gone through three and a half years of college, those relationships still endure.  Obviously things aren’t exactly the same.  I can’t remember the last time I fell and hit my face on the ground, or pew, or bench, or other and was taken care of, but I do know that I have a network of people who love me and care for me deeply.  A group of people who are my family.  And by their very nature, families are dysfunctional.  Families are groups of imperfect people who claim one another because blood is thicker than water (at least that’s what my mom would say).  But the Church’s blood is even thicker.  That being the blood of Jesus.

So no, the Church isn’t perfect.  It doesn’t always work together for good, and sometimes individuals or subgroups from the Church go rogue and bring infamy to the family, but I believe that Jesus loves the Church, and I believe He’s coming back.  Because of that, I claim the Church.  I am part of the Church, and I love the Church.

Father, bring renewal in the hearts of Your people.  Awaken Your Church, and those who feel jaded towards it.  Let the desires of Your heart become the desires of ours.  You are good, holy, and sovereign.  In all things, let Your will be done as it is in heaven.  Through Jesus we pray, Amen.

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O God, early in the morning I cry to you. Help me to pray and to concentrate my thoughts on you; I cannot do this alone. 

In me there is darkness, but with you there is light; I am lonely, but you do not leave me; I am feeble in heart, but with you there is help; I am restless, but with you there is peace. 

In me there is bitterness, but in you there is patience; I do not understand your ways, but you know the way for me.

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

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Thanksgiving

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Lord God, Creator of all,

in your wisdom,

you have bound us together so that we must depend on others

for the food we eat,

the resources we use,

the gifts of your creation that bring life, health, and joy.

Creator God, we give thanks.

 

Holy be the hands that sew our clothes so that we do not have to go naked;

sacred be the hands that build our homes so that we do not have to be cold;

blessed be the hands that work the land so that we do not have to go hungry.

Creator God, we give thanks.

 

Holy be the feet of all who labor so that we might have rest;

sacred be the feet of all who run swiftly to stand with the oppressed;

blessed be the feet of all whose bodies are too broken or weary to stand.

Creator God, we give thanks.

 

Holy be the sound of children laughing to take away our sorrow;

sacred be the sound of water falling to take away our thirst;

blessed be the sound of your people singing to heal our troubled hearts.

Creator God, we give thanks.

 

Holy be the bodies of those who know hunger;

sacred be the bodies of those who are broken;

blessed be the bodies of those who suffer.

In your mercy and grace,

soften our callous hearts and

fill us with gratitude for all the gifts you have given us.

In your love,

break down the walls that separate us

and guide us along your path of peace,

that we might humbly worship you in Spirit and in truth.

Amen.

Excerpt From: Book of Common Prayer: A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

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Truth

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Walking through life with Jesus is hard.  He goes to places we don’t want to go.  To places that don’t make sense to us.  He goes to the poor, the broken, the war-torn.  The Pharisees were not unhappy because Jesus spent too much time with them, but rather because he spent His time elsewhere.  Jesus spent his time among the “other.”  This is hard to grasp for me.  If Jesus were physically on this earth, would he come to my church?  Would he come to my school?   Or would he be found amongst those whom I write-off?  Would Jesus and I hang out at my house, or would he invite me to the streets?  Is his invitation to come and follow for me?  Is there a way of following Jesus that is comfortable? Is God calling me to middle class American churches?  They need to be directed toward Christ as well… I have so many questions, and more questions are raised in our world every single day.  The more that I know Christ, the more I know that I don’t know much at all.  This is maybe the most confusing thing about it.  Since when did, “I don’t know,” become the truest answer I can provide?  I remember when everything was black-and-white and I had a clue about the world, but that was a while back now. In all the controversy, sometimes I find myself standing in the middle, in the ever-expanding gray area because I think that’s often where Jesus stood.  Jesus rarely answered questions in the way people wanted.  He often told a story or asked a question showing that the issues were not as simple as they may have seemed. So in this world of choosing sides, I have to choose Jesus, the truest of all truths.

“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”

–Thomas Merton

Lord, come quickly.

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Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace;
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
and where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love;
for it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

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Rain, Prayer, and Provision

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So about a half hour ago, I had a pretty weird experience with prayer.  I had just gotten out of a meeting on campus, and started to head back to my apartment.  As I walked out the door, I realized the solid amount of rain falling from the sky.  I had no jacket, no umbrella, and the next few minutes looked bleak at best.  I stood under the overhang for a minute, trying to accept the obvious truth that I would soon be cold and wet.  So I looked up and prayed (it couldn’t hurt, right?).  I prayed, “God, it would be pretty cool if you stopped the rain for the next two to three minutes so I could make the quick walk back to my apartment.  I know that’s kind of high maintenance, and it is my fault that I didn’t plan accordingly for this rain, but that would be awesome if you took care of that.”  Then I stood there for another minute or so waiting for either the will to walk through the rain or for the rain to lighten up.  Neither one of those things happened, but something did.

All of a sudden, Ben, a friend of mine, comes up through the rain with an umbrella.  I gave him the old, “What’s up, man?”

He looks at me and says, “Nothing much, what are you doing?” I’m sure I looked pretty strange just standing there alone…

“Just trying to get up the courage to walk through the rain,” I reply.

Then he extends his umbrella to me.  I look at him like he’s crazy, and he simply says, “Take this.” I’m sure I gave him a really weird look, so he added, “It’s not mine…I found it. (Ben’s that friend that everyone has who is always finding weird stuff)”

So I took the umbrella, told him I would get it back to him, and walked off towards my apartment.  And I was dry!

I tell this story for a few reasons, and the more I think about it, the more reasons I have for telling this story.  I’ll try and give these reasons in an organized manner so that you can understand my seemingly disconnected, but possibly connected thoughts:

  1. Nothing is too small to pray about.  Maybe you’re reading this and you’re thinking, “Seriously bro, that was just a coincidence.”  I disagree.  Sometimes I think God answers those little prayers in unique ways because He delights in our delight.  It’s almost as if God is winking at us, as if to say, “I’m still here, and I love to see you enjoying My presence.”  And even if you are convinced that what transpired was 100% coincidental, I have to ask, what’s the harm in praying about the small things?  God is all-powerful, and He hears our prayers, even the wee little ones.  As a Christian, I believe that God wants us to constantly be praying about literally everything! 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Philippians 4:6.
  2. The Lord uses the people around us.  I doubt that Ben felt that the Spirit walked him toward my location and told him to lend me the umbrella.  I’ll have to talk to him about that, but I doubt that is how it went down.  Sometimes people are unaware of the impact they have on us or the way in which they might be used in our lives.  I have had many conversations from which I walked away feeling completely filled, and I wonder if those people realized what their words meant to me in the moment.  God sends us into each others lives at just the right time, sometimes as an answer to prayer.  Proverbs 25:11.
  3. God doesn’t always answer prayer directly.  See, God didn’t answer my prayer tonight by doing precisely what I asked for.  God didn’t close up the clouds for a couple minutes, but He provided an avenue for me that I hadn’t considered.  Sometimes we become so frustrated with things in our lives that God seems to be ignoring us on.  We ask over and over again for the same thing, and we work towards it, but the necessary doors never open for us.  We cannot become so focused in on what it is that we want that we limit the ways in which we are open to the work of the Lord in our lives.  A life following the Spirit’s lead is surprising, and we rarely can look back and say, “Yeah, I saw that coming.” James 4:13-15.

And I don’t tell this story to say that every time you pray for rain to stop, somebody will show up with an umbrella for you.  We are never going to fully understand the working of God in the world, and sometimes waiting on Him to reveal Himself to us is so hard.  But tonight was a cool reminder of the mysterious working of the Lord in my life.  I hope that if you’ve read this, you feel encouraged about prayer.  God is always listening, no matter how small the request, and He is always paving new paths for us.  The Lord is faithful.

Father, thank You for working in ways that I would never choose; for Your ways are far greater than mine.

-MC

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Firm in Freedom

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This is a piece that I wrote last week for the Otter Creek Stir blog (http://ocstir.wordpress.com):

If you’re like me, you’re nostalgic. When I’m with my friends, I could go on and on about the times we’ve had. I know everyone thinks this, but I have the best memory when it comes to details of a funny moment. I love to tell stories.

Occasionally, I find myself with those who I went to high school with. We can tell all kinds of stories about playing jokes on each other, messing with our teachers, and ridiculous memories from the football locker room. And in those moments (which are becoming fewer), there is a slight wish to go back. To get to experience pep rallies, football games, and the many fun times once again. See, because when I’m with my friends laughing and catching up, I’m not thinking about the arguments with my parents over my grades or the difficult teachers. I’m not thinking about those times when I wanted to pull my hair out over the dumbest things, but rather I’m thinking about when I had hair to pull. The way we remember things is often seen through a rose-tinted lens. “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” has a lot of merit to it. Anyone and anything can seem appealing from afar, and we as people are so often tricked into believing that the grass is greener on the other side. I believe this is a trap we often fall into in our faith.

In Exodus 14, we find the story of Israel immediately after being freed from the Egyptians. They are encamped next to the sea, and Pharaoh, realizing what he had done, takes his army to go get them back. Of course as this huge number of angry Egyptians is rapidly approaching, the Israelites look up and are terrified. They say to Moses, “Was it because there were no graves in Egypt that you brought us to the desert to die? What have you done to us by bringing us out of Egypt? Didn’t we say to you in Egypt, ‘Leave us alone; let us serve the Egyptians’? It would have been better for us to serve the Egyptians than to die in the desert!” At the first sign of trouble, these people who had just been delivered by the HAND OF THE LORD ALMIGHTY doubted Moses. After seeing the Lord’s faithfulness play out firsthand in a way that no one else in the world had seen, they still doubted, believing that at this point, Egypt doesn’t sound that bad. Moses answered, “Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still,” and the Lord did just that by parting the waters for Israel and crushing Egypt under the crashing waves.

Maybe we’re not backed up against a sea with an army racing towards us, but maybe we feel like that sometimes. In those moments of fear when maybe following God isn’t as easy as we anticipated, the road is exhausting, and temptation looms, don’t our old selves look enticing? The Lord’s deliverance isn’t always swift, and it certainly isn’t without some worrisome times along the way. In those moments of fear, temptation, or sorrow, STAND FIRM. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance of the Lord.

As Christ-followers, we are always being drawn back to what the Lord has called us out of. Rejoice because the Lord has given us new life! The Almighty God, the Creator of the Universe, saw us as we were and said, “You are not that person anymore, YOU ARE MINE.” While we were still slaves, sinners with no hope, Christ died for us! Our chains have been crushed by grace, and we have been set free! We cannot choose to return to slavery.

We are constantly tempted to return to what God has called us out of.

So today and everyday, choose freedom. He has led us to greener pastures and beside far quieter waters.

Even when everything is going wrong and I feel discouraged…

Even when a life of surrender is tough and I want to quit…

I will trust in Your unfailing love;

My heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing the Lord’s praise,

For He has been good to me. Psalm 13:5-6

-MC