So I guess I would describe my current season of life as a season of waiting.
In my current situation, I have learned a lot about myself. Waiting for things tends to do that. See, when we wait for things, we often like to pass the time doing something to keep out minds busy about other things until the time comes to do whatever it is that we’re waiting to do. Go ahead, next time you’re waiting on anything, see what you do. I almost always pull out the phone. That’s pretty much a go-to. It’s safe, and strangely it has become completely socially acceptable to bury my head in my phone in the dentist’s waiting room, when I’m waiting on someone to meet me, or even at times when there is a lull in conversation. I do not say this to condone my behavior, I am just making an observation as to something that I do that maybe you relate to. ANYWAYS, the point is when we’re waiting, we like to keep our minds preoccupied with other things, as opposed to facing the strangeness and potentially awkward experience of waiting. After all, what are we supposed to do? Just sit and think?
Well by this point in what I would consider to be a prolonged period of waiting, I have pretty much exhausted all of my time-wasting options or gotten bored with them. So now I sit here with questions. Questions that I’m not sure I have a clear answer to.
For starters, when will this waiting end?
So you can better understand what I mean, let me explain. I feel this calling to youth ministry, and I also feel a calling to do that as part of a church. At this point, I want youth ministry to be my life’s work, and I need a church to support me in that; a church family to take me in and work with me to show the love of Jesus to teenagers both who are part of the church and those who are not yet part of the church. I want to come alongside parents as they lead their children in faith. So I’m waiting for a church to welcome this partnership.
So I am seeking these opportunities. And I trust that God works in ways that I do not understand and cannot fathom, and I trust that it will work out for the best. I’m also learning that the saying, “patience is a virtue” is true because virtues take practice, and patience certainly takes practice. So I wait, and I have to believe that God’s time is better than mine.
Secondly, why has nothing already fallen into place?
The saying, “good things come to those who wait,” may be true, but it rarely appears to be truthful to those who are actually waiting. To be comforted by this conventional wisdom, one must be hopeful about the result of their waiting.
I believe Abram was asking himself a similar question when God had proclaimed that he would be the father of a great nation, but all he had to show for it was an aging barren wife. This question, if left unchecked, can cause us to do some rash things like how Abram slept with Hagar in order to conceive a son (Ishmael), perhaps to take his future and his family’s future into his own hands. Maybe he thought this would in some way force God’s hand into sending his blessing through Ishmael’s line. But God Almighty doesn’t always do what we think is best. The Lord was planning something else, something that would go far beyond anything Abram could have imagined. Through barren Sarai came a son, Isaac. Through Isaac’s line, came Jesus of Nazareth, Savior of the World.
So maybe nothing’s fallen into place because though it was convenient, it wasn’t quite the plan.
And finally, when will thy will be my will?
For me, sometimes the hardest thing to pray is “thy will be done.” Not because I don’t believe that God’s will is good and perfect, but because it’s not mine. And I don’t feel like a necessarily terrible person for struggling with this because
Jesus didn’t seem to have a particularly easy time praying this in the garden before his arrest. Even Jesus, Son of God and member of the Holy Trinity had to surrender control to the will of the Father. How much more so should I!?
To have God transform our will into His will, we must acknowledge that there is an Almighty God who created our world and that there is the Holy Spirit who is alive and active in our world. We must also trust that God’s will is good for us. And finally must pray that His will be done in our world and in our lives. I think the latter of those is the more difficult for me most of the time. I have to acknowledge that my life is not really “my” life, but rather that I am here on earth as an agent of the Kingdom of God.
We have to train every part of ourselves to surrender to God’s will. We must pray that God will give us his eyes. We must pray that God will indwell us with His Spirit. And we must pray that God turn our thoughts towards him.
So yeah, strange times currently. Life can get weird when you graduate from college. I’ve learned that. I want to leave you with a couple of prayers. The first from Thomas Merton, and the second from Jesus Christ, the Son of God.
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.”
“Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name,
your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.
And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.“